Holiday Photos -- Be a DO not a Don't!
Okay, so we all know what it's like to get up in the morning with our first cup of coffee and sit at the computer and check out Facebook. What have the girls been up to while I was asleep! Need my first dose of morning gossip. Then, suddenly, we have that moment. We know the absolute horror of logging in and seeing that a "Friend" has uploaded the worst picture ever taken of us, and tagged it with our name! We take a gasping breath! "My skin! My hair! Am I fat? Oh my God, I look like a HO..... HO .....HO!" You take another sip of coffee and start to sweat because you see there are 36 more pictures she's uploaded in that damn album of horrors! Another gasping breath! The next shot was taken from the back! "My muffin tops! Should I call my 'friend' and ask her to delete the pictures?" As we think about our emergency course of action, we know we can 't call because all our "friend" will say in a totally fake, condescending voice is "Oh, I think those are great shots! They look exactly like you! Is there anything wrong?" Gag! Kill her immediately!
If not Facebook, think of all the holiday photos that will be taken of you by Aunt Edna who barely knows how to work a camera. What to do? Should you cover your whole body in SPANX for the entire holiday? Pretend you have a sudden case of food poisoning when you hear "It's picture time!" Don't fret my pretties! As your Cyber Main Gay, I decided to consult with world renowned photographer Asa Mathat so that all pics of you going forward are you at your most fabulous best.
You may already know Asa Mathat (AsaMathat.com). If not, you have definitely seen his work whether you knew it or not. Ever picked up the Wall Street Journal? Fortune Magazine? Any other newspaper? He has been published in every major newspaper and has taken pictures of everyone from Bill Clinton, Steve Jobs (CEO of Apple (AAPL)) and the Dalai Lama to Uma Thurman and Ben Affleck. This engaging, brilliant photographer, who by the way became a photographer when a modeling agency told him he was too short but offered to hire him as a photographer because the pics he took of himself were so fabulous, also gives back in a big way. See BigPinkRibbon.org for his beautiful breast cancer work! This is a guy you can trust for good advice!
When I showed Asa some of my own Facebook blunders, posted by a "Friend", he chuckled and then gave my a big hug. "Taking a great picture is so easy Harvey, if you know what to do!" Here are Asa's top 5 picture perfect techniques that he promises will work every time. Now pay attention and print this out so you can practice! Time is of the essence!
- Water. Water. Water! No, not on you. In you! Grab some water and hydrate before the pics. You will look refreshed! Your eyes will pop more and you will be more alert. You may even have a better smile!
- Have a" shy" belly button. Remember belly button: The camera is not your friend. Hide! Never straight on to the camera. At all cost. You will look more slender and poised. Also when you turn at an angle to the camera you make the most of your curves!
3.Posture! x1000! Tummy in, chest out and shoulders relaxed. Practice this in front of a mirror and you'll see. To prove it, try a shot with friends before and after. What a difference! Asa doesn't care if you are a boy or girl--Chest out! So put the girls up front and be proud!
- Smile. No, not that fake smile you give when someone is about to take your picture. A real smile with both your mouth and your eyes! Think about something that gives you pleasure. Yes, it can be dirty. Or it can be the birth of your child. If you just can't get there, giggle! You can't possibly giggle without using both your mouth and eyes!
- And, speaking of eyes--Big eyes. The smaller your eyes, the older and sleepier you look. God forbid! Want a hint? Have the photographer take the picture on the count of 3. Keep your eyes closed till you hear 3 then open big! This helps you "blinkers" too! You know who you are.
Wow! Some things to practice, but totally doable. I've included a Harvey before and after shot so you can see the difference. Let me throw in my gay two cents as well, having been around beauty queens my whole life. One of my heroines, TV legend Barbara Walters, presses her tongue next to her upper teeth against the roof of her mouth when she smiles. I love that one! I've never seen a bad pic of Barbara! It's like giving yourself an instant face lift. Also, if you find you'll need to do tons of photos with lots of smiles, a little vaseline applied across your teeth keeps your mouth from getting dry and your lips glide across your teeth with out effort! It sounds really gross but it works.
So there! Take that! Our fake-voice, reputation-ruining Facebook "Friend"! We will never look sleepy, old, tired or fat ever again! Paparazzi? No sweat! Okay belly button--get out of my way!!