Almost every woman I’ve known in my life has at least one gay man that they go to for friendship and advice on beauty, fashion trends, boyfriend drama or for the real answer to the question “Do I look fat in this?” or “Do you really think he’ll call now that I slept with him on the first date?” Oh, the drama of living! The gays love the drama! You trust your gay man because he always tells you the truth. Always. You’ve probably heard him say things like: “Sweet Pea, you might want to consider brighter lighting in your bathroom considering how much bronzer you have on today, okay ‘Miss Miami?’” or “Your Grandmother called and wants that Christmas sweater back! Didn’t I dispose of that sweater the last time we went through your closet, Precious?” Whether you realized it or not, this man is what’s known as your “Main Gay.” Actress/Comedian Kathy Griffin coined this phrase. If she didn’t, I’m giving her credit because I adore her. Now I’m not trying to make Kathy’s Main Gay jealous. Gay men are very territorial with the women to whom they ‘re in service. We take it very seriously! We are not opposed to the occasional Main Gay cat fight either!
As you’re probably already aware, your Main Gay sometimes isn’t always available when you need him. He may have just met the “Boy du Jour” and he says “No really!! I think he’s the one!” and has to see his new man 24 hours a day. Or he’s had to go back to rehab for a few weeks to take care of a little addiction problem. That’s okay, because I’ve always said “Talented people are always addicted to something.” Genius has its price. Go figure. Besides, when you visit him in rehab, you never know if you’ll run into Lindsay Lohan, David Duchovny or Liza. It just ups his celebrity quotient! We love that.
So here I am. Harvey Helms. Stylist. Culturalist. Up and coming author of a juicy cosmetic tell all. I’m your new “Cyber Main Gay.” Think of me when your main gay is not around in a fashion emergency or when you need up-to-the-minute info on a number of global issues like lip gloss, oil control, body smoothers or the mother-in-law from hell. I’ve been married three times and could write volumes on how I was treated by the Wicked Witch because I married “The Golden Child” by whom the sun rises and sets.
Why should you trust me? …
Well first you’re going to see me at my worst after an Active FX Laser treatment [Check out the actual process with my flip commentary in my upcoming column!] and I’ve got a list of achievements a mile long which you can read at your own leisure in my bio. But here’s what you really need to know:
I’m a self-professed beauty junkie and shopaholic. I shop every day. Neiman’s (NMGA), Sephora (LVMHY), Crate & Barrel (GGP), TJ Maxx (TJX) . . . Everywhere. If you need something I know where to get it.
I know every product and trend and chances are I’ve tried it all myself. My closets and bathrooms are like warehouses. I know the moment you look in the mirror and think “My eye cream isn’t working anymore.” Hello, it’s time for the Doctor or a fabulous licensed medical skin spa.
I also have a savvy network of “Friends” who know the next trends and which designer is doing what! I edit these trends by body type to turn them from “Scareable to wearable.” I also know which designers are having nervous breakdowns or are off to rehab. It can affect the fashion collections you know.
I will always tell you the truth. With some good natured humor thrown in. I was raised by a southern belle, so I come by it honestly. But most importantly, I love women. I love everything girls do. I guess I realized this when I tried on my oldest sister’s “Dyed to match” pink satin prom heels. By the way, no one has ever ever asked me if I was gay . . . except my Mother. But she did it out of southern belle common courtesy. When I speak, a fabulous Prada hand bag or a bouquet of flowers falls out of my mouth. No closet for me to hide in.
When your Main Gay is not around, there’s no need to get anxious! I’m just a few clicks away on BettyConfidential.com. I’ve always loved this site prior to becoming a columnist. In my bi-weekly column, I’ll be covering everything from beauty to style to interiors and special events. I’ll be introducing you to women [and a few men] who are the real deal and make living on the planet more fabulous. With some juicy dish and you “Heard it here first” info thrown in. I’ve always hated being the last to be in the know. I know you hate it too.
Please feel free to ask your questions in the comment section below about anything: beauty, interiors, men . . . well anything really! If I don’t know the answer, I’ll find it for you. You can also look forward to some incredible beauty perks over the next year. I’ll be telling you more about a program called “Harvey sent me” so that you can get more fabulousness for your money! It doesn’t get better than that.
So here’s a toast to our new cyber relationship gorgeous! As your new “Cyber Main Gay,” I pledge to you that your well-being and beauty is my top priority.
Loving Air Kisses for no smudging,